Trapped
Trapped.
My past choices demand I be here now.
Though I could walk out the door with the intention of never returning, I know I will.
Because I have.
It’s become more of a requirement to be here, than a want.
Ok, it was never really a want.
I followed the pack.
I took the leap they took.
Hoping it would better me.
Has it?
There are days when I’m reluctant to look around.
I just do my business and head back to my corner.
I pretend to be here when I’m really not.
Hoping no one has spotted me, while secretly hoping someone would.
Hoping someone would relieve the dreariness of my own thoughts stuffed into a box.
Always focused on the left, avoiding the right – hoping someone will distract me from the dozens of questions and that mad woman in red who wants to teach me Mindset Secrets.
Don’t ask. This is all I know of her. I refuse to listen to a word she has to say.
I won’t lie, there are good days.
Days when I feel like I’m a part of something, days when I can head to group and feel loved by my sisters. Days when I’m feeling happy to share with the world.
But then there are days I curse my choices for causing me to be trapped in this hell hole where I’m required to be present to prove my worth.
The policies are warped.
It’s all about the money.
What’s good this week, isn’t good enough the next.
Changes are always being made, not for the greater good, not for the little guy.
For the higher amount. For the guys who sit behind the big desks on the 16th floor.
I can adapt to change. It’s the survivor in me.
But these changes? They don’t benefit me OR YOU.
Am I the only one feeling used and abused?
And those invitations to play those stupid games…
And the spying never ceases, even when you think you’re safe in group, there’s no privacy.
For your best interest, of course.
Yes, I know, we give up our right to privacy the moment we hand over our info.
Maybe Facebook just isn’t FOR ME.
No I haven’t lost my bloody mind. Turns out pretending to be present just isn’t enough anymore. I actually lost a gig because the client thoroughly checked through my fanpage to see how active I am, and found me lacking because I don’t have any apps hooked up.
LMAO. That’s ok. Got a post out of it.
photocredit: © olly – Fotolia.com © Scott Griessel – Fotolia.com © Heater – Fotolia.com
Hi Van,
Feeling trapped until you come out and play dear
I barely see you on Facebook. Ohw on Twitter too. You are a talkative 
Sometimes you need to start conversations, no? And I think you already know that statistically Facebook fan pages has lower engagement but it can be increased if you share images and videos on fan page 
You may try ‘em on your fan page.
Client lying
You’re active on your fan page, but fans are not. Isn’t it? 
Cheers…
Mayura recently posted..How to Disable Right Click Menu on Your Website
Mayura, the would have been client felt i should have more Bling on my fanpage. lol. surveys/polls, apps under the header. i know the fanpage isn’t active, i’m barely on it, why should fans be? then i feel guilty about not doing anything with it, but i’d really rather be on twitter.
i’ve been super busy working on a new project. want a peek? http://workspace10.afterbedtimeblog.com/ it’s just the test site, but client approved the design this morning.
busy busy bee. plus the teens are homw. how can i nag about them texting if i’m on twitter?
Vanita Cyril recently posted..Trapped
Ha ha
LOL… Yeah that’s true. BTW nice design there dear 
Your designs are inspiring always. I can’t think of a reason for client to dissatisfy with it. Oops… Already comments on it too 
All the best on your work dear
WORK first, then blah blah… You know best 
Cheers…
Mayura recently posted..How to Disable Right Click Menu on Your Website
thank you thank you. i’m pretty damn good
Have to do more things just for FB too – all seem like too much sometimes. On Bloggy Moms there was a topic about if you had just one hour a week to promote what would you do. That is a question for Vanita, I thought!
Ann recently posted..Fireworks Print and Poem
hahaha! that’s a great Q. if i only had one hour, i’d just hit the blogs and comment. even if i’m not promoting i won’t lose on being a part of my community. there’s also the perk of those bloggers dropping by and hopefully sharing my posts. two birds. lol
Hey girl,
I’m glad that u are keeping busy, but apparently, not busy enough for one client’s taste, huh? I tell you, to be online nowadays, you need at least 20 fingers and have 2 teach urself how to swipe ur iPhone screen with ur toes just to stay INline…
I’m signing up for ur newsletter, btw, I’m a wannabe Mompreneneur, but I don’t ever seem to have the time or the brain space to be even a wannabe…
Tracie recently posted..How Twitter Saved My Walgreen’s Relationship
ya damn right about needing 20 fingers girl. i really do need to just pick one platform and work it!
i’m glad to have you as a subscriber. when you’re ready to do it girl, you’ll make the brain space girl. i promise. once you know what you want to do, you’ll feel inspired and it will drive you.
wow who knew being inactive on facebook could effect a job… always thought it would be the other way around…
eschelle recently posted.."Make Me a Mompreneur" [guest announcement]
Eschelle it was so nice of you to stop by to share your contest link. best wishes it sounds like a great giveaway.
Oh Facebook. I have a love/ hate relationship with it. It’s hard to explain. I can’t get off it even though some days, I really want to. Sigh.
Alison recently posted..I Am A Ruiner
Facebook…I have a love/hate with it. I am there only to connect with a few friends. No apps. I go crazy when they ask if the app can run my life and decide when I can take a crap and stuff like that. Gross. Its okay because it is easy to share stuff directly from the sites I visit. Such a time sucker.
You really had me worried as I read through the post. Phew!
Vidya Sury recently posted..My Daily Dose of Love
Oh Vanita, I can so relate, you can change the word Facebook to any aspect of our multi-faceted lives: as a mother, in business and as friends. I felt this way so often and as you am a survivor! With Facebook, I have unfriended a few along the way that were NOT really friends and lowered the visibility that post the garbage or send me farmville requests (who has time seriously?). This keeps me on it as my peeps have come to my rescue with tips, input and support.
With the loss of a client (you can insert any loss: didn’t get the job, your book didn’t get chosen for publication), I always remind myself that in life it is best if it is a mutually fit. This client wasn’t for you. They would have been the 20% that sucked up all your time, Lol!
Keep smiling!
Rajka
Dr Rajka recently posted..The easiest way to make spectacular tie dye shirts
I couldn’t agree more Rajka. I have no need to please everybody, just those who I want to work with. It’s why working from home is wonderful. i’m not forced to work with clients I don’t like.
on another note, can i ask a favor? did you find loading my blog or commenting on the post to take a bit? had some trouble recently, had to take the site down and i’m not sure if it’s been working as fast since.
Hi! I had no problems with the site now or even with the first comment. I hope this helps!
Dr Rajka recently posted..The easiest way to make spectacular tie dye shirts
Grrrahhh…facebook. Always with the facebook.
I’m really sorry that you lost the gig but I’ll tell you what. I love it when you write like this. I really do.
Kimberly recently posted..Things We Talk About While Driving In America
lmao. i was trying to find a new way to rant about facebook.
Vanita Cyril recently posted..Trapped
Nothing is private, except pillow chat or face-to-face with a friend. All else is scrutinized by the invisible public. And working FB, Twitter “as work” and not as intended, is work and a full-time job. (Believe me, I know!) When moms like us also have a full-time job doing the mom thing, keeping up on social media falls thru the cracks. I’d rather you have a lacking FB presence, than a lacking mom presence, wouldn’t you?
kathykate recently posted..Summertime Daughter Grows Up
exactly! moms can not be every where all the time and i’m sure as hell not going to pay for childcare so i can be on FB
If how many stupid, idiotic games you play or pokes you poke are a prerequisite to landing a job or not, I say wave goodbye and move on! Seriously, what does how many plants you have on Farmville have to do with your competence as a website designer or social media professional? That’s completely stupid! Okay, I’m good now; had to get that little bit of anger out.
You’re an amazing business woman and you have better things to do with your time than wasting your days with games or plugins. So THERE!
Kayla recently posted..Health Update Thursday(7/5)
lmao. here’s what you won’t believe. it was an SEO gig. seriously. i guess someone handed them a list of “10 things your SEO freelancer must be experienced with” and that’s how they judged me. it’s ok. one benefit of working from home is not having to work with clients i think are weird. i’m glad i found out before i took the gig and later they asked me to do some FB crap.
—You lost a gig? What do you do?
Love when I click over here, girl. You are quite interesting… <3
My Inner Chick recently posted..Magic Bars, Sweetened Condensed Milk & Madonna.
aww thanks girl. sorry for the late reply. i’m sick and barely dragged my ass to the desk because i knew i had lovely people to respond to! you would think i’m a social media manager or something, but i’m not. i specialize in design and search engine marketing. why oh why i needed to have an active fanpage, i’ll never know. once they mentioned FB i totally tuned out. lol
I know you hate Facebook but I think it’s ok, EVEN for SEO consultants, to ignore one platform. It’s your right!
PragmaticMom recently posted..Little Boy Book Club: The Boy Who Changed the World
Facebook is increasingly becoming a thorn in my side.
Rach (DonutsMama) recently posted..Where the Heart Is?
see! see! i’m not the only one! share sista, share!