Yeah I know, it’s looking kinda plain around here.
There’s a reason for that.
I needed to get this post out now.
I need to share it with my blogging crew.
I need to get it out there and let you all know…
I’m from Mars.
I’m a failure.
Yep, that’s it.
Evaluation of Life
For the past year, while I’ve been designing blogs, creating affiliate sites, planning and building the women only blogzine, tweeting, liking, 1+ing and writing posts to help my fellow blogging peeps, I’ve been neglecting something very important, myself.
And by extension, my family.
My health has gone to shit and i’m pretty sure I’m dragging my family with me.
Summer and Spring passed while we did nothing, went no where – not even a picnic or the local zoo.
Everything we ate has been quick and simple and mostly meat and carbs. Or takeout.
I’ve been “too busy” looking for work and trying to make money and chasing tots to even sleep right.
In the process my ass has gotten wider and wider.
Two days ago, after barely making it up two flights of stairs that I use to run up, I stepped on the scale and found I’d gained enough to make me want to cry.
I’ve never been a skinny girl.
I was my most happiest at 157.
Yes, I’ve tried losing weight and you know what?
That was the worse bloody choice I ever made.
Beginning with thinking of it as losing weight.
I should have been thinking of it as a lifestyle change.
As changing my habits. Eating, sleeping and activity.
I tried Atkins and South Beach. These focus on just the eating part and you know what? The change they want you to make in the period of time you need to make it, was too drastic for me.
I went to the gym. I had a personal trainer. Personal trainer my ass. He gave me a checklist of all the equipment they suggest you use on specific days and for how long in which order. It was a checklist they gave to everyone. Not based on me.
It was all too hard.
It didn’t fit in my schedule. I couldn’t make it work.
I tried holding myself accountable last year by logging what I was doing on After Bedtime Blog. By joining a Weight Loss Challenge site. Guess what that did for me? Nothing. Even the prized offered on the challenge site couldn’t keep me on track. And those were some pretty damn good prizes.
Hubby bought a Nuwave so I can eat healthier. Yeah I use it, sometimes. For the same old recipes. I never know what to cook in the thing or how. It came with a great recipe book, but I refuse to eat fish that isn’t filet and certain veggies.
Hubby bought a Wii system with the Wii Fit Board. I haven’t touched the thing in months. Though I had fun on it, I never knew which exercises I would really benefit from and didn’t have time to do all.
Hubby bought me a Pilates Pro. That bloody thing is awesome, it’s also collecting dust. Again, not sure which exercises I can do that are effective but won’t take too much of my time up. And so it waits there for when I have time. Yes, it comes with videos, it shows you how to do the exercises, it doesn’t tell you which exercises you should do now and which you should add on gradually.
Hubby bought a Jack LaLane Juicer so he could get vegetables in me. At least that one I’m doing. God I love that man.
Sure I would lose a few pounds, then I’d get bogged down with responsibilities and have to prioritize what had to be done right and what i can slack off on. Of course, anything to do with my health – eating based on whatever diet I was on, exercising, doctor visits and sleep would be on the bottom of my list.
Nothing, NOTHING works with my schedule. I have to work around the schedule of everything else. I don’t have the willpower some women have to completely change the way they live all at once.
Have you tried Atkins? It kills me.
And what about my blogging sisters who have to go on a liquid diet before weight loss surgery. Them ladies, they got balls. They inspire me. They intimidate me with their bloody strength and willpower to get what needs doing, done.
And you know what I learned from these women, I don’t need to lose weight, I need to change my habits, I need to change my lifestyle. Only then can I lose the weight and keep it off.
And yes these women try to help me. They support me. But you can only be on your friend’s ass so much, ya’ know? These women share openly what works for them. You can find them in the sidebar.
But to be frank, I need an expert on what will work for me.
I need someone to tell me what exercise to start with, what foods to start avoiding gradually and what to supplement it with, give me techniques on how to relieve my stress other than eating and smoking – all based on me.
According to LiveStrong.com a healthy life consists of eating right, exercising, stress relief through non-body-damaging techniques and sleep. Sleep where you actually rest. Sleep that rejuvenates you.
Last month I came across a blog, Pragmaticmom.com and her friday find was a scholarship to RetrofitMe.com. I read her post. I read it again. I checked out their website, I watched the videos. It all made sense. It all worked for me. They assign you 3 experts – a Registered Dietitian, a Behavior Coach, and an Exercise Physiologist who build your personal weight loss program based on you and what you have at your disposal and then coach you through it, so you can gradually make changes to your habits. Small changes that will help you mentally and physically build a healthier lifestyle. You also have a Program Advisor that you can reach out to by text, email or phone whenever you’re in doubt. So I entered her contest and I lost.
Remember I said I stepped on that scale 2 days ago? I made the call to RetrofitMe.com yesterday. I was all signed up in minutes and within the hour had my first convo with my Program Advisor. I wanted to cry. They get me. They get that my schedule is crazy and they’ll coach me and work with me on everything. And when I fall off the wagon, they’ll help me get through it. I’ve committed for 12 months. There’s no turning back. Tonight I’ll be completing my intake survey. In a few days I’ll receive the scale, tracker and recipe book.
I’m committed, but I could still use support from my peeps.
That’s the reason of this post. I’m reaching out to my people for support, for any advice you can share, for your stories as well. I’m always looking for inspiration and people to relate to.
Thanks for reading. Special Thanks To PragmaticMom for connecting me with them. And again, thank you to my supportive Bloggy Sisters.
Photo Credit: © Arcady – Fotolia.com