Is there a Fashion Expert on Plus Sizes in the House? (Featured Members Post on Mom Bloggers Club)
This is a post I originally wrote on my other Blog during May 2011. I wanted to share it here since I want you to know how I was feeling almost one year ago. Because I know at least one of you can relate. I tried doing it on my own and it didn’t work at all. Here’s where I was last year. Here is where my mind was last year. Tell me, have you ever been in this place?
Fashionable Plus Sizes
Conversation with hubby.
“That’s cute” he says while pointing in the window of New York & Company. This coming from hubs who hates shopping and couldn’t by himself a shirt if he only had two to choose from.
“Sure it’s cute, just like babies, kittens and miniature whatevers.”
“What does that stuff have to do with clothes?”
“Everything small, is cute. Notice the size of those Mannequins? They make Natasha look fat and she’s barely 25 pounds.” (not the mannequins in this pic – this is a stock photo from fotolia.com that i like)
“You’re exaggerating. Again. V, you need clothes. Nice clothes. Our kids always look good. I always look good. You’re buying our clothes, dressing us, but not you.”
I turn on him “Are you saying I look bad?” I know I do, but at that point I was willing to pick a fight just to stop that conversation.
By this time, we’re facing off, on the sidewalk, in front of Macys, while happy, skinny women with loads of shopping bags pass by us. I want loads of shopping bags too. Bags filled with clothes for no one but me.
“Yes you do. You look grungy V. It’s not that you have to. You’re doing it to yourself.”
He means well. Truly he does. And he’s right I do need clothes. He’s also right about me doing it to myself, he just doesn’t realize how right he is.
Just then, a woman walks out of Macys, carrying two shopping bags and passes us as she no doubt runs home to change into her new clothes and head out somewhere awesome, looking chic, like I never will.
“Let’s go into Macys.” He holds the door open. I walk away. He catches up. “V, I’ll go shopping with you and I promise not to complain. Just get a couple of things.” Yes I was dressed that badly.
I mumble, “I can’t get anything in there. Nothing I want will fit me.”
“Um hello, that woman looks like the same size as you.”
“Dear I appreciate that you didn’t look at that woman well enough to see that she’s probably a size 10. I won’t find anything in there.”
“What size are you?”
“Something bigger than a 10.”
“Ok, so where can we go that has clothes higher than a 10?” Bless his heart, he didn’t say bigger, didn’t hesitate to say higher.
I had no answer for that. And yes I know Macys carries big sizes and I’ve been to Lane Bryant, Avenue, Ann Taylors Loft, etc. I know there are stores that carry my size. The problem is, I don’t know what to wear. At this size, I have no fashion sense at all.
I’m so consumed by how big I am, it’s crushing what sense of style and confidence I had
It’s bad enough that I have to look for a size 14 in most cases, a 3x in t-shirts to avoid accentuating the rolls. What’s worse? It’s Spring, Summer’s on the way, I can’t hide in my Jacket or hoodie for much longer. I need to start dressing for the season and I can’t. Not because I can’t find the size, but because nothing fits right to me, nothing goes together for me.
I have a dark magenta skirt in my closet. oh wait! let me take a picture!
Yes I know it’s all wrinkled.
That’s cause it’s been crammed in my closet for 3+ years.
It’s a size ten. I bought it at Ann Taylor’s Loft along with two matching sweaters, so you know, i can mix it up, and camis that went with the sweaters and i wore them with my knee length boots.
I was very stylish. True I mostly went to work in jeans, but I KNEW how to be stylish when I wanted to be.
So this and my favorite size 9 jeans hang in the closet to never be worn again.
Cause face it people, I’m hopeless.
I was a size 9/10 and you know what, I liked it. I didn’t need to be a size 4. I was confident with my size and I could dress confidently and walk into any meeting, any conference and I knew how to control a room. My clothes did make me. They made me confident.
And now, now I don’t know what the heck to wear, how the heck to dress, and it’s making me want to hide in this house. This is probably why I do so bad at interviews. I don’t feel confident.
And I know I’ve griped about this before. And I know I did a bit of shopping a few months back. But it was cold then, I could hide in my jacket. Now I can’t.
My laziness procrastination is also Screwing me.
And yes, I know if I’d stuck to calorie counting I could have lost some weight by now.
I know, I know, I should be drinking a gallon of water a day, but I’m not.
I should be exercising everyday, but I’m not.
I got all excited the other day cause Lindsay wrote about it being the first week of her weight loss journey and she wanted to link up with others for support and who ever wanted to connect via sparkspeople, we could support and motivate each other.
So I signed up for a sparkspeople account, i set it up on my android, shared my user name on her site, checked out the other moms on the linkup, left a comment or two, tracked for a couple of days, did a lot of walking one day, climbing rocks and what have you, boxed on the Wii a few days and then I did . . . nothing.
And you know what’s a bitch? It’s not even like I’m over eating or eating sweets. By habit I know what not to put in my mouth, how much to limit myself and nothing’s changing. Sure I get lazy about tracking and counting calories, but I’m still, by habit, watching what and how much I put in my mouth and the worse thing I’ve consumed in weeks was a half glass of coke. Still, not one ounce lost. One hundred and ninety-three pounds and not going anywhere. Barely consuming 1300 calories a day, and you know I’m on my toes with these tots. NOTHING.
Any Fashion Doctors in the house?
We’ve got plans this month. Plans to visit hubby’s best friend of like 2o something years. I’ve only met him and his family once. Again, I’m looking for something to wear. Again, I can’t fit into anything I want and not look like a rectangle or a tent or 9 months pregnant. Would this motivate me to do anything?
I’m not going to lose enough weight in 15 days to be my old stylin’ self. So, I’m asking for help. Any Fashion Doctors in the house for the plus size gal? Anyone in NYC who can help me get my act together on a budget? I’d appreciate it if you can share this post, cause really I do need the help and I’m not finding it by Googling. If you know of a website with real advice and pictures showing women of all shapes, I’d appreciate it too!
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I actually did get great suggestions, bought the clothes but I never went. I was still too embarrassed. And I felt hopeless. That hopelessness lead to gaining an extra 15 lbs.
Summer’s coming again. But this time, I’ve got hope. I’ve got support. I’ve got healthy weight loss professionals on my side. I’ve got motivation to keep tracking. I’ve learned about what I really need to be doing to burn those calories. My Retrofit coaches check in on my progress everyday and make me keep my butt in motion.
And I’m down almost 10 lbs.
I pulled on my size 11 jeans last weekend. Jeans that hadn’t fit in 4+ years.
Photo Credit:
© Elenathewise – Fotolia.com
© nectarina2011 – Fotolia.com
Vanita, I know it’s hard but JUST KEEP TRYING. I’m on about my MILLIONTH round of trying to change my eating/exercising habits. This is not my first go-round. I got halfway to my goal weight last time I tried, then I ballooned up and put myself 30 pounds heavier than I was when I started. The point is, you can’t quit now! Just dust yourself off and try it again! I’m still on SparkPeople.com and I’m sharing all of my food/exercise trackers for accountability. Because if I don’t? I’ll likely quit too! We can do this! YOU can do this!
Lindsay recently posted..I’m having a MARVELOUS day with Marvelous Mommy!
Lindsay I’m just so damn lazy and tired. but i will keep trying. i’ve got to.
Vanita, I am a “big girl,” wearing anywhere from M-1X and 14-18 in the past 3 years (in the 3 yrs before that, I was wearing an occasional 8, but mostly 10 & 12). AND BEFORE THAT, I WAS WEARING BIGGER THAN 18.
That being said, I have always had great luck at Macy’s, shopping the clearance racks for the most part. The stuff on the regular rack would work, too, but I’m too cheap to go for those first thing. I do okay at Kohl’s for some things, but not others. (I have great grandma’s arms, and sometimes sleeves are an issue.) I am planning on some job interviewing in the coming weeks, and found a jacket at Dress Barn (14/16 women’s) that is professional AND has enough sleeve room. They had some super-cute summer clothes, and I have NOT been a Dress Barn shopper in the past (barn = tent, in my mind, and I struggled with that). If you have a Carson-Pirie-Scott/Younkers/something of that nature in your area, you might have some success there as well…. and Nordstrom is an option if funds are unlimited.
Nordstrom usually has cute skirts and whatnot that hide a multitude of sins without looking dumpy-frumpy. I’ve bought stuff there in the past when I’ve decided that spending the extra $$ was worth looking fashion-savvy…….
These suggestions, of course, will get you through the short term (seeing your husband’s friends). My long-term is that I have tried to cut out most grains, although the past 2 days I’ve totally fallen off the wagon. Too many temptations at times where no other food was available! Anyway, I am trying to get things back on track. I know that the 8 & 10 stuff from a few years ago is not where I’m heading again, but I would like to be in the 12 range by the end of the year….the perfect thing about summer is all the fresh produce! That will really help. GOOD LUCK!!!
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Suzy Q! you are a doll. there’s a dress barn a block away from the Macys but i’ve never thought of going in.
rice is a staple in our culture, but i only eat parboiled and 1 cup cooked at the most. ok sometimes i slip and end up with a half cup more. i try to keep my carb intake low. i think i can tell what i’m doing wrong. its not drinking enough water and not exercising enough.
i’ve got to get back to wii stepping, there’s just not enough time or room.
I hate going shopping I always end up in tears. I have started buying things online and only going to the store to figure out my actual size lol!! The clothes always fit me cause and the choices are great! I’m also not humiliating myself asking for ____ size etc. Not a fan of stores… not at all….
eschelle recently posted..The moment you have all been waiting for!!!
eschelle i’ve cried in dressing rooms many many times over the past 18 months. hugs to you sistah
I can relate so much!! I’m going to help you by giving you my sister Elena’s email address. She is plus sized and looks AMAZING in everything she wears. No joke, the woman is trendy! Emailing you now ….
Eve recently posted..Can’t We All Just Get Along
I didn’t get an email
this is why i put this out there. there are women who are bigger than me and look fantastic and have style. i just don’t know where to find them
My sister and I talk about this all the time. It is hard to find good fashion, affordable that is appropriate for women bigger than size 10. Or should I say for a normal size woman. So frustrating. Since having babies, I always use body shapers…they work wonders! Good luck, find your confidence outside of your dress size and you will look spectacular. (it sounds like your hubby already thinks so, so who else really matters anyhow?)
Minivan Mama recently posted..My New Reality Show
haha. i have a squeem. when i dont wear that garment of torture i hide behind a huge hoodie. as for hubby, he just doesn’t know any better
Omg V,
I enjoyed this post so much. And I know you’re being tongue-in-cheek, but you’re also very cute! I think I own a little piece of everything you chat about. I know you aren’t there yet, but here’s what I learned from my own recent experience with shopping:
1. Start with a small, almost insignificant purchase. It has to be small enough so you won’t feel guilty for buying it, or you won’t feel like the money could have been better spent buying something for one of the children.
2. Wear, use that small insignificant thing every stinkin’ day. Get used to seeing it, holding it, having it in your life. Imagine how nice it is to have other nice, small insignificant things.
3. If possible, try to make that purchase a scarf, or another piece of outerwear. It will instantly brighten up your outdoor look, and helps you work your way “in”.
Your next purchase should be something that MATCHES that first thing you bought. Because, hey, let’s face it, it just makes sense! Keep doing this until you work your way up to bigger purchases. And, remember, the mannequins are there for a reason! They’re not just there to suggest a particular clothing, but colors & even the way you wear an item. When I first started shopping for myself again, I used to think buying everything the mannequin was wearing was cheating, now I don’t. I’m grateful for that plastic woman.
You are being too hard on yourself. You’re a busy mom, who understands HTML! You ROCK!
Tracie recently posted..LIVE from Brooklyn Hospital!
Ah Tracie, Thanks so much for the great ideas! My biggest problem is, clothing that i do like, doesn’t look right on me abd i’m not sure what will for my body type
Wish I could help. I’m “fashion challenged” myself.
MARIA FITZPATRICK recently posted..Weight Loss Surgery Can Reverse Heart Damage
Maria! thanks for stopping by sugar. Check out the great suggestions I’ve been getting in the comment area
being a chubby chick myself let me tell you these few things..
wrap dresses and tops are your friends when trying to hide a muffin top. but most muffin tops can be stopped by the right size and cut pants. also shirts that are cut with an a-line or empire waist and gather under the bust are great or are gathered in the front. These shirts are most forgiving of tummy troubles invest in a few high quality pieces and a good pair of jeans.
also don’t be afraid of color. dressing in all black is depressing. try to find pieces/accessories that pop as well. good luck!
Dianne! Dianne! ::squeal:: I’m guessing you got power girl! I can’t tell you how happy i am to see you! and on my blogiversary too! and the advice and the links? best present i could get! thanks Diane.
V – I hate shopping too! but I just have to say, your husband sounds like a such a good friend and sweet person
eh, he likes his marital privileges and knows what to say not to lose them
we gotta chat lady! calling you like NOW
I think I just glanced at this post because I never, ever, ever, seem to comment on fashion. I’m a big fashion “don’t”. I saw this episode of “Ruby” once and she’d lost a lot of weight. She was still heavy and went to see a designer because she didn’t wear pants at all and she needed a new wardrobe. The words the designer said when faced with this task, seared my mind like a hot poker: “Styling clothes for someone that size is not fashion”. My body is doing some crazy things these days. Most clothes look like tents and they’re falling off at the shoulder. That’s a good thing. No buts. It’s just that now, I don’t have money for a whole new wardrobe, and if I did buy something, I have to make sure it fits on the weird blob of a body I have now. It’s really going crazy over here. So, I’m sorry. I can’t be of any help when it comes to what to buy. I’m in the same boat as you are. The best thing I can do is help you paddle.
well pass the paddle sistah!
remember my nest egg?
well i’m trying to use it on me before i spend it on the kids like i usually do.
i don’t know if you ever came across a Rainbow store when you were here, but our local store has great clothes up to 4x cheap, but no bloody dressing room. so many things i’d be willing to try out wearing, girlie things, with patterns and big flowers, and no dressing room.
Hun, there are so many great places to shop for size 14′s! I understand your lack of motivation for trying things on; for a window of time, I was unhappy with my size and how I looked in clothes. I decided to do something about it and eat less, move more. I am not trying to say it was easy, but you take it one day at a time and you dont beat yourself up for eating cake. I am not a size 14 and can honestly say, I don’t care if I ever see a 14 again. That is me. You have to find your comfy place, but please let it be yours and not what society says it should be.
Back to clothing. I shop online at lot of places and I shop in Macy’s, JCPenneys, New York and Company, Saks Fifth Avenue, Gap, Rainbow, Dots, Simply Fashions, etc. (I wear a size 18/20). The reality is you are going to have to try some things on (ask about the store return policy and take some stuff home and try it on) and become familiar with labels/brands/designers who fit you well. Good luck.
I’ve been shopping a lot at New York & Company lately, at least as much as my budget permits. I like what’s in our local rainbow, but girl, our Rainbow doesn’t have a dressing room.
Thanks so much for your advice and for stopping by.
You have a good husband. I love that he cared so much instead of ignoring.
It’s amazing what a year can do. I’m so glad that now you have a change and the support you need to keep strong for yourself!
You are an inspiration! Keep going!
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Lol I spend so much time standing in awe of those who I find inspiring that I’ve never expected someone to find me inspiring. Lol. I hope I am And that it helps someone to know there is hope. Today was the first day of my 8th week on the Retrofit program. Girl I’m 16lbs leas than the day I made the call. I can’t tell u how motivating and exciting it is.