Is there a Fashion Expert on Plus Sizes in the House? (Featured Members Post on Mom Bloggers Club)
This is a post I originally wrote on my other Blog during May 2011. I wanted to share it here since I want you to know how I was feeling almost one year ago. Because I know at least one of you can relate. I tried doing it on my own and it didn’t work at all. Here’s where I was last year. Here is where my mind was last year. Tell me, have you ever been in this place?
Fashionable Plus Sizes
“That’s cute” he says while pointing in the window of New York & Company. This coming from hubs who hates shopping and couldn’t by himself a shirt if he only had two to choose from.
“Sure it’s cute, just like babies, kittens and miniature whatevers.”
“What does that stuff have to do with clothes?”
“Everything small, is cute. Notice the size of those Mannequins? They make Natasha look fat and she’s barely 25 pounds.” (not the mannequins in this pic – this is a stock photo from fotolia.com that i like)
“You’re exaggerating. Again. V, you need clothes. Nice clothes. Our kids always look good. I always look good. You’re buying our clothes, dressing us, but not you.”
I turn on him “Are you saying I look bad?” I know I do, but at that point I was willing to pick a fight just to stop that conversation.
By this time, we’re facing off, on the sidewalk, in front of Macys, while happy, skinny women with loads of shopping bags pass by us. I want loads of shopping bags too. Bags filled with clothes for no one but me.
“Yes you do. You look grungy V. It’s not that you have to. You’re doing it to yourself.”
He means well. Truly he does. And he’s right I do need clothes. He’s also right about me doing it to myself, he just doesn’t realize how right he is.
Just then, a woman walks out of Macys, carrying two shopping bags and passes us as she no doubt runs home to change into her new clothes and head out somewhere awesome, looking chic, like I never will.
“Let’s go into Macys.” He holds the door open. I walk away. He catches up. “V, I’ll go shopping with you and I promise not to complain. Just get a couple of things.” Yes I was dressed that badly.
I mumble, “I can’t get anything in there. Nothing I want will fit me.”
“Um hello, that woman looks like the same size as you.”
“Dear I appreciate that you didn’t look at that woman well enough to see that she’s probably a size 10. I won’t find anything in there.”
“What size are you?”
“Something bigger than a 10.”
“Ok, so where can we go that has clothes higher than a 10?” Bless his heart, he didn’t say bigger, didn’t hesitate to say higher.
I had no answer for that. And yes I know Macys carries big sizes and I’ve been to Lane Bryant, Avenue, Ann Taylors Loft, etc. I know there are stores that carry my size. The problem is, I don’t know what to wear. At this size, I have no fashion sense at all.
I’m so consumed by how big I am, it’s crushing what sense of style and confidence I had
It’s bad enough that I have to look for a size 14 in most cases, a 3x in t-shirts to avoid accentuating the rolls. What’s worse? It’s Spring, Summer’s on the way, I can’t hide in my Jacket or hoodie for much longer. I need to start dressing for the season and I can’t. Not because I can’t find the size, but because nothing fits right to me, nothing goes together for me.
I have a dark magenta skirt in my closet. oh wait! let me take a picture!
That’s cause it’s been crammed in my closet for 3+ years.
It’s a size ten. I bought it at Ann Taylor’s Loft along with two matching sweaters, so you know, i can mix it up, and camis that went with the sweaters and i wore them with my knee length boots.
I was very stylish. True I mostly went to work in jeans, but I KNEW how to be stylish when I wanted to be.
So this and my favorite size 9 jeans hang in the closet to never be worn again.
Cause face it people, I’m hopeless.
I was a size 9/10 and you know what, I liked it. I didn’t need to be a size 4. I was confident with my size and I could dress confidently and walk into any meeting, any conference and I knew how to control a room. My clothes did make me. They made me confident.
And now, now I don’t know what the heck to wear, how the heck to dress, and it’s making me want to hide in this house. This is probably why I do so bad at interviews. I don’t feel confident.
And I know I’ve griped about this before. And I know I did a bit of shopping a few months back. But it was cold then, I could hide in my jacket. Now I can’t.
laziness procrastination is also Screwing me.
And yes, I know if I’d stuck to calorie counting I could have lost some weight by now.
I know, I know, I should be drinking a gallon of water a day, but I’m not.
I should be exercising everyday, but I’m not.
I got all excited the other day cause Lindsay wrote about it being the first week of her weight loss journey and she wanted to link up with others for support and who ever wanted to connect via sparkspeople, we could support and motivate each other.
So I signed up for a sparkspeople account, i set it up on my android, shared my user name on her site, checked out the other moms on the linkup, left a comment or two, tracked for a couple of days, did a lot of walking one day, climbing rocks and what have you, boxed on the Wii a few days and then I did . . . nothing.
And you know what’s a bitch? It’s not even like I’m over eating or eating sweets. By habit I know what not to put in my mouth, how much to limit myself and nothing’s changing. Sure I get lazy about tracking and counting calories, but I’m still, by habit, watching what and how much I put in my mouth and the worse thing I’ve consumed in weeks was a half glass of coke. Still, not one ounce lost. One hundred and ninety-three pounds and not going anywhere. Barely consuming 1300 calories a day, and you know I’m on my toes with these tots. NOTHING.
Any Fashion Doctors in the house?
We’ve got plans this month. Plans to visit hubby’s best friend of like 2o something years. I’ve only met him and his family once. Again, I’m looking for something to wear. Again, I can’t fit into anything I want and not look like a rectangle or a tent or 9 months pregnant. Would this motivate me to do anything?
I’m not going to lose enough weight in 15 days to be my old stylin’ self. So, I’m asking for help. Any Fashion Doctors in the house for the plus size gal? Anyone in NYC who can help me get my act together on a budget? I’d appreciate it if you can share this post, cause really I do need the help and I’m not finding it by Googling. If you know of a website with real advice and pictures showing women of all shapes, I’d appreciate it too!
I actually did get great suggestions, bought the clothes but I never went. I was still too embarrassed. And I felt hopeless. That hopelessness lead to gaining an extra 15 lbs.
Summer’s coming again. But this time, I’ve got hope. I’ve got support. I’ve got healthy weight loss professionals on my side. I’ve got motivation to keep tracking. I’ve learned about what I really need to be doing to burn those calories. My Retrofit coaches check in on my progress everyday and make me keep my butt in motion.
And I’m down almost 10 lbs.
I pulled on my size 11 jeans last weekend. Jeans that hadn’t fit in 4+ years.
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