I’m not rockin’ this mommyhood gig
There’s a lot in my head today, so i figured i’d empty it here.
First and foremost, I’m thinking with age and experience, I’m worse at this mommyhood thing than I was when I was in my 20s and the teens were little. I don’t remember my days being so challenging. Then again, when the teens were the age the toddlers are now, I was working full-time.
So I’ve got to ask myself, was I ever any good at raising kids? Because though the teens were excellent children, so excellent they made me joyous about having more, this new set of toddlers are driving me up the fuggin wall.
I’ve got to ask myself, do I need to work full time and have someone else raise my kids, cause really, i swear i’m sucking at his gig.
Ok, to clarify, I’m not screwing up with both, just Damian, my one and only son. Natasha is a breeze and listens very well and has all the manners, and then some, that you can ask from an 8 year old though she’s not even 3.
But Damian? I swear that little man, who’ll be 4 in 11 days, has spent all his free time this last week plotting how to annoy the crap out of everyone but daddy. And I’m pretty sure that little pause he does when you give him something, is him deciding whether or not to say thank you, and then deciding not to.
This from a little boy who has been saying please, thank you, excuse me, bless you and you’re welcome since he could speak clearly.
Now, you go ahead and sneeze, you get a “HAHA you got buggers!’
WTH?
I’m not sure what’s gotten into him this past week, but i can tell you that as i write this, I’ve got a well deserved shot of hennessey at my desk.
This last week has been nothing but tantrums, throwing heavy toys at his older sisters, telling me that it’s because he doesn’t like them “because”, and him whining.
I’m not really sure why he hasn’t picked on his littlest sister since she is the littlest and frankly the cutest, but he hasn’t.
And though my blogging sis, Vidya, asked me if he may be seeking attention, i’m having trouble wondering why when he gets so much.
We’ve made it though a few “learning time” episodes just fine and mainly due to being inspired by Pragmaticmom and Doodles and Jots. These two blogs have really opened my mind to ways to make learning time fun. For Damian. I’ve come to learn that he needs to be engaged in a certain way to be willingly active. At this point he knows many numbers, as many shapes as i do, how to turn different shapes into objects – house, ice cream cone, tree, sail boat, etc – can count to 20, knows the alphabet song and is learning to write the letter A.
But outside of learning time, the few times that we’ve been to the playground at 8am this week, and the very few naps he took this week, the only time he’s well behaved is when daddy’s home. Which isn’t much since Daddy’s been working weekends and double shifts all July.
Today Damian got a big boy bed. Not a toddler bed, but a twin size bed. The boy is too damn tall for a toddler bed, though he’s not 4 yet, can you believe it?
This morning daddy had a long talk with him about being a big boy. After lunch the teens wanted to take the toddlers to the playground, after 20 minutes they came home. Damian screamed, ran away, lay on the ground and threw a tantrum, all kinds of drama.
I’m at my wit’s end.
We’ve had several talks with him over the past week.
We’ve explained how sad he makes us when he does x, y, z. Reminded him he’s a good boy and good boys don’t do hurt their sister and do listen to their mommies.
After the first 2 incidents where he threw a toy at Sabrina, I spent the rest of this week taking said toys away and placing them in the pantry where he’ll never get them. Sabrina has taken quite a beating from Damian this week. To the point where she cried.
After promising me he wouldn’t throw things at her, he kicked her. Then told me he didn’t throw anything at her.
After promising he wouldn’t kick her or hit her, he spit at her.
Then told me he didn’t kick her or hit her.
He’s had time outs galore.
I’ve ignored all demands until he asked nicely.
I’m barely hanging on by my fingernails.
Advice Moms?
Well, I’m no expert on this motherhood thing, only having been at it for just over 2 1/2 years and my toddler hasn’t reached Damian’s age yet.
Though from what I’ve read and hearing what other moms are doing, positive reinforcement seems to be the key. So instead of just time outs etc for when he does something bad, do a lot of praising and encouraging when he’s doing something right, no matter how small. And then (at least that’s the theory), he’ll just do more good stuff than bad because he realizes he prefers praise to time outs.
I don’t know if that helps, so hopefully more experienced moms have better advice. Good luck!
Alison recently posted..The Happy
girl damian gets praise just for peeing in the potty and that’s been going on since he started months ago. lol
this is great advice. Sabrina tells me this is why even today she doesn’t just jump into things her friends want to do. she is so use to me being proud of her that she doesn’t want to do something she knows will disappoint me.
heck Natasha isn’t even 3 yet and stopped her sisters from cleaning up her messes because i’m always so grateful when they do and tell her i’m so proud when she does. now she rushes past them into the kitchen for paper towels saying “mommy will proud me mommy will proud me”
this boy raising gig has me stumped.
Oh ((hugs)) mama. Sounds like a crapp week. No advice here – but my bio teacher friend with boys ages 14, 12 & 4 says that ages 4-6 is the WORST. Apparently outside of puberty it’s when their little bodies are the most full of hormones and whatnot? Just know you’re not alone!! (She swears it gets better…)
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i mentioned this to hubby and he said “you didn’t know this”???
thanks for giving me a clue sistah.
lol
i definitely didn’t know this.
Oh, goodness… Sounds like he’s really testing your limits right now. Will he be starting preschool this fall?
When Milo was 3 1/2 – 4ish, we made him a stoplight chart — green for when he was helpful and polite, yellow for when he was pushing us a little and red for when he was out of control. If he had three green days in a row, he could pick a special treat (like a favorite Tv show or a special dessert). If he was green for a week, then he got s small prizefighter. His currency was Legos, so we got those teeny-tiny kits as a prize. This helped him see that he was the one in control of his destiny’s for the day and the visual was a constant reminder.
As much as this seems personal, it isn’t. He’s acting up with you because you love him no matter what he does and hr knows it. He knows that as frustrated as you get, you’re never going to not love him. Hang in there!
IASoupMama recently posted..Beautification
ahhh man, girl, i’ve been reading a book almost every night at bedtime for like two weeks and it’s called “I love you when” when you’re glad, mad, sad, bad…
crap.
i love this top light idea and have to get on it.
and girl we missed cut off date for preschool applications. out of 600 applications the one school nearby was only taking 50 kids. so i’m kinda bugging out about what to do. there’s also the fact that damian has major nut allergy, so maybe i don’t want to send him so early to school. i’m hoping by kindergarten he’ll have a better understanding of why he can’t eat what everyone else is eating. last thing i need is damian sharing some kid’s PB+J sandwich…
I’m definitely no expert but I am a therapist. I’ve worked with littles, though not as little as your guy. Is this new behavior for him? I’m wondering about the extra time daddy has been at work. Could his behavior be a response to his daddy being gone more frequently? If that’s the case, maybe some ‘daddy dates’ would be helpful. Outside of that, I like the stop light idea. That’s a good one.
it is new, but winters and summers hubby is busy and we didn’t get the drama this past winter. then again, damian is older now…but every sunday is damian’s day with daddy and when hubby works two shifts, he comes home in between for 5 hours and though he should be sleepy damian and he do something together…thankfully September is around the bend. thanks taking the time to chime in Liesel, i greatly appreciate it
Oh girl, I didn’t know… you got your hands full…. of love and craziness. I ask myself all the time about this Mothering thing, I remember when Ben was that age, he was a terror. There’s just the two of them, twins, but he used to throw toys over the gate into the kitchen, I remember scooping up all his toys and thinking, is this why I went through years of fertility treatments? He was Daddy’s boy and didn’t have much to do with me. We did the time outs, etc, I think what really helped him was when he started preschool. He’s almost 12 now, and my best buddy. And now it’s his twins sister Jen, who drives me batty! I just kept thinking, and still do, this too shall pass.
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hubby and i were saying things will change once he goes to school. i’m just stressing the whole peanut allergy deal. so i guess i’ll be waiting until kindergarten when damian’s understanding is a bit more developed and he can grasp why he can’t have stuff with peanuts in it and learn to say no to sharing food with friends.
yes, it will pass, but i’m glad i got it out. the support here is bloody amazing.
Poor Sabrina! I’m sorry, but if that was my little brother and he was doing that to me, I’d kick the ever lovin’ s&%* out of him! Teach him a big sister lesson of my own, let me tell you…But I understand that your kids are more well behaved then I would be, minus little man. Lol
I really wish I could offer you words of wisdom here, but I’ve got nothing o.O All I can say is good luck!
Kayla recently posted..Galstanberry #3 *Book Review*
ty g/f much appreciated. i’ll need the luck. damian is a terror
Oh Mama, it is different than girls for sure. Having only one boy, I can only get slightly envious of your behave little girl and any other little girls for that matter. My boy was so difficult when he was 3 – 4 years old. Those things they said about terrible twos? They can eat their hearts out! I still remember how my boy always seems to drive me nuts back then. I tried time outs with tons of positive encouragements too. Sometimes it works, sometimes it won’t. Now he seems to be calming down a whole lot. I’m hoping it’s just a phase for Damian. Sorry I can’t really offer much help, Mama but you are doing your best and you are a rockin good Mama just remember that
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Maureen thanks for sharing this. it gives me hope cause i know your boy is quite the sweetheart now
Oh, I so get this post! I was there last week. I think the key thing is to remember that you are doing your best job. Remember that while full of personality and attitude and tantrums, Damian is just a child, a toddler. I know this sounds intuitive, but honestly, last week, when N was going through all of her “theatrics,” I was getting so frustrated with her and not seeing the bigger picture. I was frustrated and was feeling like a failure and, like you, was given reason to contemplate whether I should just give up, entrust the raising of my children to a nanny or someone else who could handle it. This week, I’m better and, perhaps, as a result, she’s better, too. I mean she’s still throwing tantrums and everything else, but they don’t seem as bad as before. Take deep breaths. Get help when you can. And choose to not take anything that he’s doing or not doing personally. I hope this helps.
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yep girl, deep breaths. thanks so much. its good to know i’m not alone
Try this:
http://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/positive/dealing-with-angry-grumpy-kids/
I read it in a magazine in a waiting room several months ago and the idea resonated with me. The teacher in me knows that the key is always discovering something that makes the child able to relate to the difficult concepts on their level. Just like you have been able to do with his traditional “schooling” lessons, find a way to make the social lessons logical to his world.
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thanks for the articles girl. and sorry for the late reply. oldest teen has been in and out of the hospital since i wrote this post
Nope, I’m no mom, but I had some experience raising my 3 sons alone, for five years. So my guess is (no expert here) that the ‘you’re a grown boy now’ talk could have backfired a little. It’s going to fast for him maybe, all those changes (new bed, talk to dad, etc).
When you’re a small boy life is so much easier. He sees that and falls back into little boy behavior. it’s just easier for him. Not sure if I should include a disclaimer here. Lol.
You’ll guys will figure it out.
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I think boys are like dogs; they are best behaved when they are exhausted. He might need more outside running around time. He sounds smart as a whip and those type of kids are a little more challenging to parent!
ps Thanks for the shout out.
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girl we do the playground for an hour every afternoon. don’t know what i’m gonna do come winter
I don’t know if I have advice so much as I can commiserate. I think that’s why I waited so long to have another kid; it took that long to forget that crazy frustration. I’m constantly in love with and horribly fed up with my almost-3-year-old, and I remember my daughter was CRAZY at 3. Okay so, my advice is to get help from the teenagers when you feel like you’re going to explode, and I think most importantly, get lots of sleep!
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that is great advice girl. the teens were such darlings i never expected this lol