Teens
experiences raising my teens, expect me to gripe a lot
At what age can your teen date unchaperoned?
So here’s a Q that my teens and I discuss all the bloody time and never come to a decision. They’re not even allowed to date with a chaperone at the moment, I don’t know why the heck they’re thinking about unchaperoned dating. My oldest teen is 14+1/2, the youngest just turned 13. It seems to me that these days, all that’s on their minds is boys and friends. To be fair, their GPAs are pretty high, but still, sheesh. I know, I know, it’s part of growing up. But I really can’t figure out an answer to this question.
Just the idea of them on a chaperoned date gives me palpitations. I’m suppose to start considering unchaperoned? What the heck? Days like this I wish they were still as young as they were in the picture. Loving, sweetness and everything was mommy, and crafts and cartoons and pretty dresses. Where have those days gone?
What do y’all think? Please take The Skinny Scoop Poll below and leave me your suggestion in the comments section. I’m really truly looking for the consensus on this one, so I’d appreciate you sharing to your other mommy friends.
Has your Tween/Teen been sexting?
The Skinny Scoop has this question posted: If you have NOT talked to your 11-18 yr. old about sexting yet, is it because: . . .
I was surprised to see that there are so many parents, who like me, are stupid. Really. We’re stupid. I too, believed that it wasn’t on my child’s radar and that she was just too young. She just turned 13, damnit. Like a month ago. She hasn’t even entered “red tent” phase. Not to mention, Sabrina is trustworthy, sensible, has respect for herself, yada, yada, yada.
Boy, am I bloody stupid. Talk about a #ParentFail.
Sabrina uses AIM, I know this. I’ve sat there and read over her shoulder the silly teasing her and her girlfriends do, all girls that i know, the homework helping, the “i’m bored” messages. I have no problem with this. Would I rather she not use AIM and just have her friends over? Yes. But, I’m not the only parent in this equation. So Sabrina uses AIM to socialize with her classmates. She knows to only use it TO SOCIALIZE WITH CLASSMATES. All kids her age. Don’t accept requests from people you don’t know, even if they’re friends of friends.
Sabrina just got a mobile phone for her 13th birthday. She had one before, but when I lost my job, I cancelled all phones. This became a dilemma because when Sabrina was running late, I’d stress out. So we got her a phone.
It’s a MetroPCS phone. You know, no contracts, unlimited calls and texting. But Sabrina’s friends use AIM and that’s not an option with her phone. So when hubby bought me my new iTouch I gave Sabrina my old iPhone. I didn’t want her socializing on her laptop when she should be doing homework. Seventh grade is hard. It’s also the most stressful in Junior High because it’s your child’s 7th grade gpa and state test scores that the High Schools look at when deciding whether to accept your application for 9th grade acceptance. Yes, it would make more sense if they looked at 8th grade results, but NYC is slow and those results haven’t been ready in time for years.
So I gave Sabrina the iPhone, to socialize when she was just hanging around, when homework was over. One day I ask her to let me borrow it. My iTouch battery was dead and I wanted to check the weather. Sabrina signs out of AIM. I stand there, iPhone in hand, and all of a sudden the thing starts to vibrate. Messages were coming in through AIM. Messages from a boy. So I look through their conversation.
Boy have I been stupid.
Sabrina and I had a very very long talk afterward.
The Here Today, Gone Tomorrow Dad
As a mom, especially an overprotective mom, I have that need to shield my teens from anything and everything that can hurt them. Broken glass, boxes of twinkies, school bullies, drunken drivers, burning buildings, pubescent boys who only have their penis and girls’ boobies on the brain. But how, how do I shield my teenage girls from their father?
How do I shield them from the man that they remember loving them when they were little? I’m not saying he doesn’t love them now. In all fairness, I have to admit, I know somewhere under all that irresponsible, immature, selfish behavior, there’s a loving person. Unfortunately, my ex, never truly learned the responsibility of love.
Yes, love comes with responsibilities. Especially when it comes to loving children.
Loving a child means being unselfish and putting that child’s needs first. It means being there for the triumphs and the boo-boos. It means staying up late and helping with homework, getting up early on Saturday mornings and watching cartoons, running across town last minute to buy a new shirt for assembly and sacrificing things you need for yourself in order to provide them with what they need. None of these things, not even one, even while we were together, did my ex do for our teens. He doesn’t get that they come first. As a matter of fact, since our split, being a father is a past-time for him. Something he only does when he has nothing else to do.
When is the right time to have the “Funeral Talk” with your Teens?
Sometimes, my teens, specifically the youngest teen, Sabrina, who turned 13 Sunday, truly surprise me with their requests. And I know some of this one is my fault, but COME ON. REALLY? What was I suppose to do? Crash funerals with my children in tow so they could learn? Bring it up at the breakfast table? We don’t even have a bloody breakfast table. I know, eventually we’ll have to talk about it. It’s not a taboo subject. There just hasn’t been a reason to talk about funerals. So just as they learned about swearing and the gay/transvestite community, Sabrina’s learned about funerals. From her friends. Not that they hang around the school yard and talk about it. Well, actually they did, last week and came up with a delightful little plan to hangout at a funeral.
Sabrina’s friend’s mom recently died. Very recently. Sabrina had explained that the boy’s dad had passed 10 years earlier. The boy was now moving out of state to live with family, which she was taking very hard. My heart went out to him and to his mother who I’m sure passed worrying about leaving her children behind. My heart went out to my little girl who seemed on the verge of heartbreak.
Yesterday I Questioned Choosing To Be A Mom
Have you ever asked yourself “what the hell was I thinking?”
I did that yesterday. I sat with my head in hand, surveyed my surroundings and asked myself that for the first time in my life. I’ve been a mom for 14+ years. Not once, not ONCE did I ever ask myself that until yesterday. Am I the only mom who doesn’t have her shit together?
Maybe it was the tots who weren’t listening.
Maybe it was Damian who kept sitting on his sister.
Maybe it was both of them pinching, biting and tugging each others hair.
Maybe it was Natasha climbing the table.
Maybe it was both of them refusing to eat at the table, but had no trouble with spilling milk all over it.
Maybe it was the plate Damian flung off the kitchen table that broke into a million pieces that could hurt baby feet.
Maybe it was the food I had to clean out of my hair.
Maybe it was the poop I had to clean out of the shag rug again.
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