Advice for the Freshman Blogger
Remember High School?
Remember the cliques?
Were you ever the new girl?
I was.
It sucked.
It was hard to find where I belonged.
I had absolutely no confidence, knew no one and pretty much spent freshman year trying to find my footing.
I made a few friends that stayed my friends for years afterward, but at 14, i couldn’t foresee that they would.
I was more concerned about fitting in.
But, I was never popular enough, rich enough, smart enough or mean enough to fit in a major clique.
Not very different from blogging.
Remember the jocks? They kicked ass and everyone loved them and wanted to be like them or at least hang with their crew.
Not very different from the blogging pros today.
Then there were the nerds. The ones everyone wanted to avoid but had to go to for help.
And of course you remember the mean girls right?
The ones that were pretty damn popular, who made themselves feel better by making you feel like crap?
A lot of those in the blogging world too.
When you’re a Newbie Mom Blogger it can definitely feel like high school all over again.
Two years ago when I started as a mom blogger, I had absolutely no confidence.
I tried to take direction from the mom bloggers I met in the SITS GIRLS Pro Blogger 30 day challenge.
I tried to follow the lead of mom bloggers with big BlogFrog communities.
I learned quickly that there are moms who will share how-tos to help and then there are moms who will mislead you to watch you get crushed.
Reminds me of the mean girls from my high school. On the first day of school, I spent fifth period wandering the halls because they “directed me to the bathroom”.
I learned there are mom bloggers who will crush you like a bug if you let them.
I tried out for the clubs my freshman year in high school, got rejected because the mean girls ran all the ones I was interested in.
The mom blogger community can be just as competitive.
Sad, but true.
It’s why I distanced myself for a while. It felt too much like high school.
It’s two years later, I don’t have a huge following but I do have several fellow bloggers who have been amazing in their support of me. They’re like the high school buddies I picked up freshman year. They stick with me through thick and thin. I’ve got to say, I value that more than a big audience.
These fellow bloggers accept me for who I am and encourage me to be so.
They encouraged me to be free.
Free to be me.
As a newbie, you may find it hard to free yourself – as hard as I did 2 years ago.
As a newbie, you may not be feeling confident in your blogging.
As a newbie, you may feel a need to fit into a mom blogger clique and try to mimic a few that you find successful.
This can get pretty frustrating.
Here’s my advice
Be YOU.
- Say what you want to say, the way you want to say it.
- Design your blog the way that suits you.
- Write about topics you enjoy.
- Don’t let haters hold you back.
- Look for advice from those you you respect based on what they have to say, not their popularity.
Don’t be afraid to let your true self out.
You can’t please everybody all the time. Please yourself in your blogging and you’ll attract those who are like minded.
And there will be haters, but there are also wonderful people who will be happy to help you.
Don’t let the Haters hold you back
I wasn’t going to share this, I’ve moved past it because the experience brought about something I can be proud of.
You can read about how a mom blogger insulting me led me to create an eBook in 6.5 hours.
An eBook I’m proud of and am giving away in the sidebar.
Anyway, as I’ve said, I’ve moved past the incident (notice how calm I am? not one “bloody” or “rat’s ass”), but sadly, the blogger who insulted me had not. She emailed me yesterday morning and though I laughed at her email, I realized, it was the perfect example of how others will try to intimidate you into being something you’re not. How others will try to crush your will.
Now remember, I’ve been blogging two years now and have built a profitable business from my blog, and yet there’s someone out there who’ll still try to con me into thinking I’m nothing.
”Congratulations on your Ebook. I’m very happy you found another outlet to share your experience. It’s a shame that it won’t reach many hands as your following is quite small and I doubt they can make much of an impact for you. If you’d really like to help other moms, you will take my advice and change your writing style. Only then will others be willing to promote your blog posts. You’ve lost your chance with me, but I’m sure some individual, with a smaller readership and less traffic, would be willing to work with you. My traffic would have given you the boost you need. I have several thousand visits a day. I do apologize for not being able to go through with our interview. I believe your experience would have inspired my readers, but your illiterate style of writing would have made it difficult for them to comprehend. Also, I do not appreciate the comments about me in your comment section. I do not have any screws loose and found the remarks of you and your few followers very childish. I see why they read your blog. Evidently they are of the same education level as you. I tried to comment, but evidently you have blocked me from your comments section. This is fine, as I can guarantee that not one of my 20 thousand followers will ever visit your blog. I do regret reaching out to you. It was at the suggestion of another blogger. Good luck with your endeavors. You’ll need it.”
For Every Mean Blogger There Are Wonderful Ones By The Barrel
This bloody email made me laugh, I tell you.
She needed to inform me of my loss and my pending doom.
And of her traffic stats and her following stats.
Geez.
But don’t feel daunted. Because for every mean person like this there are several who are just awesome.
Here are some of the comments to the post she referred to.
Swapna says:
June 20, 2012 at 12:20 amJust downloaded the e-book and so excited to read it. Vanita my friend, you are blessed because you are as real as one can be. Many of us would love to be as frank as you are on your blog but just don’t have the guts. You do and you are proud to be what you are. That is precisely why I love your blog and its voice. And even though I don’t have cuss words on my blog, I would never hesitate in linking up to your blog because if we are not true to ourselves then who are we? Keep going girl !!
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Capability says:
June 20, 2012 at 7:47 amCongrats on taking a not great experience an turning it around – and into an ebook no less! You do have that “I swear” warning and I like it – all authentic all the time is the way to go! Tweeted, FB and tried to pen in Evernote but got shut out – going to turn on my computer to read this – many thanks!
Capability recently posted..A Million Miles from Boston – Book Giveaway
Jack says:
June 20, 2012 at 11:08 amVanita,
Give me her name and address and I will make sure that she joins us on our great Ikea adventure. She’ll be the guinea pig we use on the chairs with the screws.
Jack recently posted..Don’t Be Such A Serious Blogger
Kayla says:June 20, 2012 at 5:11 pm
So, firstly, I LOVE your blogging voice; don’t you dare change! Second, congratulations on your book. 6.5 hours is incredible ^.^
This is for you V:
http://theeclecticelement.blogspot.com/2012/06/mompreneurs-this-ones-for-you.html
You can read Kayla’s post at the link above.
And to top it off, RealMomma.com, a recent client, emailed me she was writing a post and wanted to know what advice I’d give fellow mompreneurs. She then published a review of my design service where she included my advice.
There is Support in Blogging
Don’t let the insecure meanies pull you down.
There are people who will be attracted to you for being you.
I have sister bloggers who’ve been watching my back for two years now. (btw, there are 4 links in this sentence)
I’ve made so great blogging friends in the past year too.
So be confident and go forward my sistah.
You will find your place.
You will be loved.
Thumbnail credit: Lovrencg via PhotoXpress
Sorry Van, I have to disagree with your 6th advice dear. It doesn’t makes sense, right?
Very true… I like your 5 advices. But to me, when I’m on other blogs where the audience is not casual lovers, I find altered version of 1st advice suites for me. I mean, not changing voice but knowing the audience I’m gonna address and bringing them to my world from their time frame. Strategically speaking…
Hey it’s not your way, but mine and you don’t write for kiddies too. We discussed on last one, right? So just, read next para 
(I’m not a ZOMBIE and confirmed it before posting comment. You know who I am. Don’t you?)
On 4th advice >> Don’t let them hold you back? Neither let them drive you
They doing it purposefully. I’d say don’t let them touch you in any way. Haters are always out there eventhough someone wants to change their voice to please who against him. Being yourself and doing the best thing possible you can do is what matters. Not hating back again. It cause friction on ya. Haters will get tired someday 
C’mon, leave ‘em alone, who cares. You wanna waste your time on kicking ‘em? Let ‘em get kicked if they don’t get it. Let them see how you success in your way. That’s what kills ‘em.
Cheers…
Mayura recently posted..Drive Traffic and Get Insights for Content Being Copied on Your Website with Tynt Publisher Tools
“Very true… I like your 5 advices. But to me, when I’m on other blogs where the audience is not casual lovers, I find altered version of 1st advice suites for me. ”
Mayura you’re referring to guest posting. i’m not. I’m referring to one’s own blog, their home of sorts.
and i was never meant to guest post on that blogger’s blog. it was a skype interview for a video.
if you check out realmomma’s post: http://realmomma.com/after-bedtime-blog-my-web-designer/
you’ll see the letter i gave her a week ago. i did not at anytime hold back. i did not edit my response to her question for advice, nor did i tone it down. i just said what i had to say based on what she asked me for. i don’t believe realmomma.com would have asked me for my words if she didn’t believe i would be honest and truthful. she’s an upfront kinda gyal herself, which is why we are of a like mind.
Vanita Cyril recently posted..Advice for the Freshman Blogger
I was going to write that I was sorry this happened but I don’t think I am because you made it into such a positive experience for not just you but your readers, as well. Whoops, I mean I’m struggling to comprehend your writing style, you know, with the swears and my limited education and all.
Carry on!
Capability recently posted..The Summer of Non-Cooking Continued
big hugs to you girl. i love your sense of humor. are you coming to blogher? i’d love to hug you and pragmaticmom. you guys have been awesome to me. I think i’m buying an expo pass, well hubby is pushing me to, lol
Vanita Cyril recently posted..Create An Ebook in 6.5 hrs (when a blogger insults you)
Be you. Yes. I know all about that, Vanita. I know all about being the new girl in high school too!. Gawd, it takes such a helluvan effort to belong (see…that’s God and Hell in the same sentence – don’t sue me – I love both
)
I recently read an amazing question somewhere, which went along the lines of : would you share the posts of a blogger who wasn’t popular simply because you liked their content? And my answer was a resounding YES because I don’t care a shit about someone’s popularity ‘coz am not looking to piggyback. But here’s something else for you to laugh at: I have less than one hundred email subscribers. Surprised?
That’s life for you. Do I worry? Nope.
I can’t believe that email is for real, Vanita, but I do know real life is far worse than fiction. It sounds so insecure. I didn’t know one could speak for twenty thousand followers. Am sorry, am laughing so hard here. It is crazy.
You know what I love about you? Your genuineness and your honesty. No airs.
Go ahead and take my support for granted. Here’s a massive heart hug for you!
Just continue to be your awesome self! Today I am not a zombie looking for a good time. I am just a zombie who cares about you.
P.S.: I LOVED Jack’s comment! Now there’s a dude!
sis you are the best. i am glad i attract friends like you.
i’m not sure why she emailed me this.
either
A: she was severely pissed
B: she was trying to piss me off enough that I would help her continue the issue (no publicity is bad publicity and all that)
C: Her screws are loose.
D: i did drop all 4 of her pending comments in the spam folder…maybe that pissed her off more
i do know she wanted me to “realize my loss” whatever that may be in her eyes.
it’s all good. i would have spammed the email too but it reminded me when i first started and i wanted others to know they don’t have to listen to this kinda crap.
big hugs to you sis.
and yes, jack is bloody funny. he is definitely a cool dude.
Vanita Cyril recently posted..Advice for the Freshman Blogger
***Here’s my advice
Be YOU.***
This is the best advice one can give. An authentic, honest VOICE….
You Rock Like Gaga.
btw, the blogger that said your content would offend her readers can KISS MY ASSsssss! Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Random, Weird, & Profusely Bloggable
ya know it sistah! thanks for your comment and your support! big hugs to you girl!
Vanita Cyril recently posted..Create An Ebook in 6.5 hrs (when a blogger insults you)
If someone was offended by someone else’s content, you would think they would stay away.
Like others have said, you turned it into a good experience and please keep being Vanita! She is so spunky – we love her! Oh and she is an an excellent writer, very bright, and entertaining!
aww thank you girl. i appreciate it. did i tell you i’m taking a copy writing class online? from “the middle finger project”. see like minded attract like minded. lol
this is a test comment to see how the performance goes
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all’s good Andy. Thanks for speedy support
Vanita Cyril recently posted..Advice for the Freshman Blogger
wait maybe i spoke too soon
Vanita Cyril recently posted..Advice for the Freshman Blogger
on first load, the page is very slow and on a reload it is much faster.
this is probably due to w3 total cache creating a cached copy after the first load.
I’ll expand further in the support ticket
Andy Bailey recently posted..CommentLuv Premium
trying a test comment with no commentluv link to see if the meta table is causing issues
thanks Andy
seems im going to test it several times
Vanita Cyril recently posted..Advice for the Freshman Blogger
Oh My Goodness. Are there really such mean mommy bloggers out there? Gad, I’m glad I live under a rock. That’s seriously wrong. Who is that blogger anyway? I’m very curious. Most of the mommy bloggers (out of 3.9 million of us) have been really nice. I’m hoping that she’s the great minority. And I happen to love your writing style.
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i guess i’m the one with the bad luck because i have come across some meanies, and i could say it’s just me, but turns out to be a shared opinion. being a mommy blogger does not automatically make you a nice person girl, though many appear to be. there was once a mom blogger who i considered a friend, she was the one to talk me out of being a mom blogger which caused me to distance myself for a while. looking back now and probably because other friends had to beat me over the head to make me see it, she was just using our “friendship” to get rid of the competition. sad, but true.
I’m so sorry that you had to deal with such a mean and bitter woman. I’m glad that through the experience, you’ve channeled your energies to do something positive for you. That’s awesome!
I’m sorry, but why does someone who doesn’t care about your insignificant following spend a good chunk of time crafting a lengthy email? An email so well crafted with backhanded compliments and sprinkles of braggadocio took several edits to get it just right. They should spend their valuable time writing posts about their world and keep their injured ego away from yours. And not insult your entire piddly following in the process – that’s my advice right there ;0)
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Thanks Girl! I gotta tell you, this is similar to what happened to me 2 years ago to make me distance myself from being a mom blogger. as a matter of fact, it’s too similar.
but i didn’t know any better then. I thought since this person was a mom blogger for a bit longer than me, i should listen to her and i did. and because of it i missed out on blogging about so many things i wanted to.
now this time around, someone else pulled it on me, told me i couldn’t cut it as a mom blogger.
i wanted it out there so new bloggers would know, that there are mean bloggers out there, but not to let them hold you back.
Truer words have never been spoken Vanita my friend! I’ve always lived by the philosophy you put out in the universe what you want back and I can honestly say I’ve not ran into a single ‘meanie’ blogger as of yet *knock wood* The people that I’ve come across, you included, have been the absolute nicest, kindest, most helpful people and I’m proud to consider you all my TRUE friends
You just gotta be real to attract real people. Plain and simple!
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now you’ve got me wondering if i’ve been mean to any one…
Being yourself- or blogging how you are- always pays of in my not so humble opinion. Be true to yourself. It’s just like school again, like you said. If you’re keeping up a lie it will show.
It’s my blog and I write what the hell I want. If you want to read it, that’s OK. If not, that’s OK too!
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